Forgiving Myself Again??

So I forgave myself for my terrible mistakes last week and now feel like I am struggling with it again. I suppose that's the humanity component of it. Every time I see my wife struggling with the events, I go within and find that she is struggling because of me. She is struggling because of my actions, my words, my breaking of our trust and sacred promise. I know that I'm not responsible for her healing as only she can determine the look, the shape, the feel of it but I want to help and can only do so much to try and keep close and keep engaged.

My heart feels claustrophobic, feels as if it's being squeezed or contained against its will by walls of guilt and shame, constructed of the actions that have betrayed My Dearest. I long for those walls to disappear but know not how to dissolve them other than forgiveness, which so far eludes me more on some days than others.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...