2 Floors and Sliding Doors

So yesterday My Dearest and I got off of the phone abruptly while I was at work and after a slight argument. I immediately raced off to a lunch meeting on the 52nd floor...my stomach was in knots, heart racing and adrenaline pumping. Disagreements are commonplace these days, but none of them easy it seems. I hit the call button and waited for my elevator to arrive to take me to the common level. The doors opened and being already off guard, I just wasn't prepared to see her...to see the stranger that I had grown close to at one time who now seemed so very far away. I took a position in the elevator that placed a cushion of people between she and I. Avoiding eye contact completely, I said an uncomfortable "hi" to her and her co-worker and asked "if they had been busy with the accounting close" before proceeding to stare intensely down at the carpeted floor for the duration of the ride. A ride whose end frankly, could not come quickly enough for an elevator that had only to ascend two floors and while moving at a speed of a thousand feet per minute (of course I know those stats...I'm in commercial real estate!). The doors opened and without another word I hustled off of the elevator in one direction and she the other...sliding doors of sorts.

It's interesting that The Universe would put me on an elevator cab ride with the one that I had an affair with, fresh from a battle with My Dearest as if to test my resolve...sort of like offering fruit to Eve after her and Adam got into a spat and Adam having reminded her just the day before to never partake of it. Although caught off guard, there is nothing there for me anymore...she and I poisoned our friendship the minute we became anything more than friends and poisoned it remains.

Although really uncomfortable for me to write about, this represents a "stepping out" of sorts and so I am hoping that My Dearest will give me a safe place in which to talk about this.

I love you, Dearest Elizabeth and I'm sorry.