Where My Salvation Lies

My world is hanging by a thread and twisting in the wind of this cyclone. I feel like the centerpiece of a windchime as the universal energy causes it to take flight and bounce off of the surrounding emotions, all with a differing tone or eruption of sound and all with a certain amount of violence associated. I've watched my wife cry for days now...extremely humbling and an experience that will be impossible for me to forget, no matter how much time has passed. It makes me feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach and sent me falling to the ground, doubled-over and dizzy.

I have in the past few weeks through fear, uncertainty, and even through anger expressed that all would be okay regardless of where this should end up, be it a strengthened relationship with My Dearest or be it on my own...a starting over of sorts with new rules, new players, and new surrounds. As time passes however, and I focus on My Dearest and examine who she is and how we got here, I realize that my salvation truly lies with her love. She too was hurting in our relationship...angry, unfulfilled, and probably just as wounded and unknowing at the time that we met as I. We brought baggage to this relationship that when stacked upon became so heavy that it crushed all that was underneath. We have so much love for one another, so much passion, so much caring that has simply been smothered by love's idiosyncricies. How does this happen? Why is it so difficult sometimes to see what is going on, to listen to our partner's needs, to surrender to them in order to fulfill one another and truly adjoin? Why does stubbornness have to stand in the way of true tranquility with the one that we have committed our lives to? Why are our minds so hard-wired to go to battle and draw lines when our hearts are so longing to surrender to something greater in the form of this partnership or contract that we signed up for? How do we align the mind to think with our heart instead of the ego, which ultimately causes so much pain and destruction.

I'm trying desperately to learn these answers right now because I know that love's secrets are buried within...and all the while trying to hold onto the most amazing woman on the planet and the best thing that has ever happened to me.


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. ...We had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were indeed one tree and not two."