Far From Home

Business travel has taken me away from My Dearest which has become a HUGE challenge for me. I have anxiety around traveling away from my family and the burden of this weighs heavily on my heart and on my psyche. Our current trust issues compound this anxiety and it makes for a true challenge for me mentally. My Dearest is stressed because I am leaving and she doesn't feel that she can trust me away from home and I am stressed because I need support from her to "send me off", of which she cannot give me in struggling with her own void in dealing with my travels. It hurts...it hurts both of us in our different positions and we are thus working hard around this and through this.

If only My Dearest could see the "little boy" that I become when I am far from home...the longing to be able to feel her sleeping next to me, to hear her voice in the room, to see her typing away on her little computer. The counting down of minutes until I am back on a plane headed home. The nervousness of being on the plane and wondering what they would do without me should my plane fall out of the sky...craziness I know...but travel makes me think this way. I am here supposed to be working diligently and feel that I am just "faking it until I make it"...all the while longing to be elsewhere.

I know that these trips away from home serve as little windows of what life would be like without the privilege of waking up next to one another each morning for the rest of our lives and I am appreciative of this opportunity for spiritual growth in the form of appreciation. But God, give me strength. Throw me a vine that may serve as an alternative to this in the form of a greater career opportunity and one that keeps me warm in my own bed each night next to My Dearest and in the same house with my children. I have spent these days thinking of ways that I can be a stronger and greater leader for my family and thus the time has not been wasted.

Blessed am I for the beautiful life that I have, for it is this with this life and through life's challenges that I find spiritual growth when I am ready for it. The challeges always come at the point in time that I ask for growth and so the Universe is delivering as expected.