The Phoenix

Beautiful, glorious, and sacrificing self for renewal, you build a pyre and set yourself ablaze. For the sake of self.

Red bird of fire you come forth through your ashes a new bird shedding the old self which no longer is needed.

You embrace your new strength and fly to the heights of the sky to the city of the sun and give the ashes unto the alter of the sun god for your immortality.

Embrace your self for you are a child of the sun and will live eternal through birth, death and renewal.

Your spirit never dies.

Rebecca Wiles

My Dearest, when I read this, it reminded me of where we are and all that we have been through. I do believe that we rise from this experience stronger, wiser, and much deeper...both as individuals and collectively in this soul partnership. I have taken this opportunity to grow and have risen from the ashes a new man, capable of so much more than the boy that you married.

I love you truly, madly, deeply...

Love Is...

Love isn't an act, it's a whole life.

It's staying with her now because you need one another;

It's knowing that you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures, when all that's on the shelf and done with...

Love, why I'll tell you what love is: it's you at seventy-eight and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the other's step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime's talk is over.

--Brian Moore

Beautiful...

When I tell you how beautiful you are, I am commenting on much more than what a mirror would project...for the image that I am admiring goes way further than skin deep.

I see an ocean of love in which I long to take endless swims, blue as your eyes on a Summer's afternoon.

I see doves flying high into the sky, reminding me of the peace that you are...long after the drama of the day's events has unfolded and been put to rest.

I hear the playfulness and the joyful laughter underneath the seriousness that we often create in the effort of achieving our Earthly goals.

When looking at you, I feel a comfort or deja vu of the way you looked and felt when we frollicked together in heaven's garden and agreed once more to embark in a human journey of living, growing, changing, loving, experiencing and understanding.

I see God in all of her perfection; blue skies, fluffy clouds, flowing rivers, sparkling seas, beautiful mountain tops, the changing of the seasons...Summer rains tapping on rooftops as our bodies lay entangled underneath.

Pictures of fiery horses running through Irish fields of green...the nobility that we had and shared in other times, places, and life experiences here.

I aknowledge your magnificent spiritual presence in all of its glory; the unwavering truth and unadulturated piece of this interconnected universe to which I too am attached.

In you, I see my salvation, my return to divinity, a oneness with God and Spirit, my pathway to knowing myself and honoring myself so as to know you and honor you just the same.

When I tell you how beautiful you are, it is my soul speaking to yours in a language that goes much further than how you may look at any given moment...I am letting you know of the overwhelming beauty I feel in my heart for all things good that you have brought into my life.

I love you truly, madly, deeply...my Dearest...

~David

My Dearest is a Superstar...

My Baby is a superstar and she doesn't even know it.

They fall at her feet in admiration of what she does, yet her sight never meets the floor to notice.

The room lights up when she walks in, gazes affixed as she walks by...(sometimes this makes it tough to be the husband :) )

She's really funny, yet keeps this hidden from those that don't know her well.

She could tame a wild animal with her Southern Charm and uses this like a weapon on me daily...I'm just no match for her!

Her music captivates so many and provides healing guidance for those that seek her assistance but she focuses not on the masses, but only on the one that sits in front of her at any given moment.

She calls herself "underground" so as to avoid the aknowledgement of noteriety. The stage could be hers, but take it she does not.

My Baby is a superstar...and me, her biggest groupie!

Another Sleepless Night

Another sleepless night last night but one always worth enduring for my heart and my soul rests with My Dearest, who remains so angry and disappointed with me. Abandonment is the feeling but I go where my heart tells me to go, say what my heart tells me must be said, and give love the way my heart instructs me to.

It is a good feeling to respond in love and to know that love is the only choice...yet certainly a challenge to ignore the fear that tries to creep into the mind when the one you love is pushing you away. My ego has no place in this situation and I give it no power.

I am blessed in this life for all that I have around me which brings me constant joy. I am blessed to be married to my best friend and to be so loved by someone, that she is willing to push through the pain so that we can grow and ultimately try and remain together.

Thank you Spirit for finding me, for filling me, for being my source of strength when I fear that there is none and a source of peace when chaos is everywhere to be found. Thank you Universe for the warmth that fills my heart in even the coldest of moments, just in knowing that this, too shall pass. Thank you God for helping me to accept the things I cannot change while giving me the courage to change the things I can.

I am eternally grateful...and your servant forever more.

To Those I Have Hurt...

This year is living proof that life's toughest times inspire the most growth. For it is in the most tumultuous year of my marriage that I discovered who I am, who my wife truly is and why I love her so much. It is as if I was sleepwalking through much of the last decade, living life and emotion on the very surface...never really diving down to see the beauty and sometimes the darkness of what was underneath. For we are driven by the very depths of our subconcious, where our strongest desires and fears reside and ultimately determine our actions and the resulting perceptions of success and failure...with the scariest thing about this being that we rarely see our biggest tragedies or mistakes while we are in the midst of them.

I wish it hadn't taken utter chaos in my life to wake me up to the beauty that I had around me, but such is the plight of all of humanity. It is often our bottom that allows us the opportunity for spiritual transformation to see things in a different light and create "new life" where pain and suffering previously existed. My life is a miracle and becomes more of a miracle with every passing day. Little by little, I source out the thoughts and and behaviors that have brought me pain and simply remove them from my life. I suppose that's how we should always live our lives, but I must have lost the instruction manual and frankly never been one that was patient enough to sit down and read a manual anyway. To summarize what it would probably say, is that it is our very thoughts and behaviors that create our experience and the quality of our relationships...tough thoughts bring tough times and thus my ill perceptions have made a mess of our lives over the past few years.

So nearly one year after I turned our family's lives upside down, I have the following:

To my wife and three little girls whom I have taken for granted, I am deeply sorry for a year of great pain and uncertainty that I selfishly and arrogantly thrust upon us. This extends to all who are close to us and deeply love us as well, who have also had to watch and experience pain on their own level. To My Dearest Elizabeth and soulmate, I am humbled by the strength that you have shown in holding it all together despite the many times that you probably wondered how and if you could. I will forever look upon our little family and see you as the glue that binds. You have "walked the walk" of  loyalty and integrity in this marriage and served as an unwavering example of courage and will through adversity. I learn from you each and every day and I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart.

I now wake up every morning and see the the miracle of my life, the miracle of all that I have been blessed with, the miracle of My Dearest Elizabeth...the miracle that I intend to honor, to nurture, to protect from this day forwrad for all the days that she will have me.

I love you and deeply appreciate you.

~D

What If ??

My Dearest,

What if, when we held each other, our flesh

became consciousness itself?

What if our flesh commingled
became the mother of light
and sound, the vast word,
the ocean forgotten at birth?

What if, when we held each other,
the skin between us slipped away,
and our old exasperated tongues
turned into everything that heals,
into one long kiss, the kiss that started
when the universe began.



What if, when we held each other,
nothing survived but one shared breath,
nothing survived but the sweet odors
of gentle and tempestuous love,
nothing survived but our sensual hearts
singing the only song there is.

What if when we held each other
we danced in that very moment of Now
and forgot all other moments before.

What if we lived every moment like that
in life and love's embrace?
no moments before, no moments after,
just the instant which the universe had blessed
us with no promise of future instants to be granted.

Sure......

Can I trust you, she asked...

Towering over me with only the flickering light of a candle illuminating her gourgeous angel features and associated expressions........the curves of her eyes, her cheeks, and soft lips, matched with a glowing of the skin on her naked body, matching that of her naked and vulnerable mind, which doesn't often enough allow such a question....



Sure as the sun will rise for every new day, I shall listen to you, hear your voice, and rise to meet your every need...


Sure as the winds move across the ocean's surface, so shall I always move across our own distances in love...and always toward you...


Sure as the sky turns gray, then blue...so shall my love weather all storms that come our way...


Sure as the stars shine brightly in the clear night sky, so shall my heart shine brightly as it bares your name... and only your name...even now it whispers your name as it beats to give me life.


Sure as the montain stands tall over the rivers and valleys below so shall I stand and watch over you...protecting you, never leaving your side...not ever again...


Sure as the cleansing rains are sent to nourish all that depend on it, so shall I provide for and support you, who often, but not always depends on me.


Sure as the tides ebb and flow with the changing energy of the moon, so shall my love remain flexible to your many moons and changing energy...


Sure as our feet find eachother easch and every night, no matter the state thta we may have been in while falling asleep, shall i find you no matter where your ego may mistakenly tell you to run and hide...

...and as her tears rained down upon my chest last night, they carried with it a message from her soul to mine...a message of wanting to trust me, yet aknowledging the delicate process to arriving there. This is where I stand in the fire no matter the heat, ignoring my own ego and allowing my own vulnerability. 


Can I trust you, she asked?


I'm Sure....